Embracing Responsibility

I take full ownership of this life I have.

I fully understand my contribution to it: I made long term decisions from short term feelings. I had children with men who were not capable of being fathers (well 2 out of 3), and because I allowed our relationships to move at lightning speeds – I wasn’t keen to this until it was too late.

It’s a tough pill to swallow but I still take responsibility for it.

Responsibility in the form of raising my children because they had no part in the decision two consenting adults made when they decided to lie down together. Responsibility in the form of working hard to provide for my kids so they can have the best life possible, a life where their GPS systems are fully intact and they understand their worth – without uncertainty.

I take responsibility.

But why am I the only one who has to be responsible? Why am I the one who has to fight the fight of making sure “grown” men, who were more than capable of creating their children, are held accountable for providing for those very children?  It’s an interesting paradox, one that I am not alone in experiencing, because most men skip out on the responsibility of raising their children. This is not my opinion, this is fact, and if you question it just look up the statistics.

We are a nation with increasing single motherhood, M.A.D motherhood to be exact, and instead of focusing on why some men feel uncompelled to do the responsible thing and take care of their seeds, we point the finger solely at woman for not making better decisions. We all need to be better decision makers, not just women, but some men need to take a crash course in responsibility because it is greatly lacking.

At the end of the day it shouldn’t matter the circumstances in which the child was created. Let me clarify a bit further – rather it was a one night stand, or a full blown relationship, or a marriage that ended – a child was created so responsibility is now mandatory, for both parties. Not just the woman. Raising a child you helped create should not be looked at as an option, one that you exercise only when it is convenient for you. Some men understand this, most don’t.

Responsibility is key and has the potential to reverse the epidemic of M.A.D motherhood if we all take ownership of it. If you have a man in your life, be it a friend or a family member, who isn’t actively involved in their child’s life and you haven’t taken them to task on the issue – your heart should break a little. It should break because you could potentially be a voice of reason that could change a child’s life for the better, and your silence is doing more harm than good.

In my life enough is enough.

My sons will know what it means to be responsible men and know that their actions carry weight; weight that they are still responsible for even at times when they find it difficult.  They will be men of honor, gratitude, and fortitude.  This is not my opinion; this is fact, because I have dedicated my life to it. Their responsibility trait will be strong and prevalent, and they will not contribute to the epidemic that is single motherhood.

About author

Toi Smith

Toi Smith is the blogger behind Lessons From A Baby Mama, the space where she explores her life as a single mother and those lessons learned. When she is not writing, she is busy raising her 4 wonderful sons. More of her writing can be found on her website http://babymamalessons.com/ .

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